Tuesday, 2 December 2008

The journey home...

We went to the airport around 5 pm on Friday, the 28th of November. The first song Haithem put on was 'Balik kampung' by Sudirman. I didn't know what hit me... but I felt terrible sadness... all I could think about was the line, ' semua sanak saudara menanti kepulanganmu nanti...dengan gembira'... It's definitely not true in my case... The person who would be there waiting for us at the airport was gone from us forever... I was on my way to finally see his grave... to finally confirm that he's not with us anymore...

There was a delay at the airport...administrative matters. We only managed to get into the lounge at Khartoum airport around 6.30 pm. The flight to Dubai was on time (8.10 pm) and arrived in Dubai around 12.30 am local time. I spent most of the time crying my heart out. I couldn't explain it, but the nearer I got to Malaysia, the sadder I became.

The flight to Kuala Lumpur was a little bit delayed, so we started the second leg of the journey around 3.45 am and arrived about 2.30 pm in KLIA. I only slept about 1 hour out of 6. I just couldn't sleep... I kept on thinking about Ayang... Apart from that, I didn't have any worries... the kids were great travellers... Hardly a squeak out of Amir throughout the whole journey...

We spent the first night at my in-laws in Taman Tun. They were overjoyed to see the kids and how they had grown. Finally I could eat something that others had prepared...after 8 months of my own cooking... it was heavenly...hehehe

Early the next morning on the 30th of November, we drove to Sabak Bernam. We arrived at the gravesite around 10.30 am. The ground was wet... maybe because it's been raining for days... I instantly knew where Ayang was, he must be near my father's grave... True enough, they're near each other... in fact, Ayang's grave was directly on top of my father's... There they were... all three of them... Ayang's, my father's and my mother's all in a line... in 18 years, I've lost 3 of my closest kin...

I recited yassin for my brother but I was crying non-stop throughout. I felt that the sadness was greater than when I lost my parents... Ayang was not just a brother to me... I've taken care of him since 1998 or him of me (this was definitely true...because when my husband was working outside of KL, he was always there to help me, with the kids especially...). He was more like a son to me and of late he's a friend, too... I kissed his tombstone just to feel that I connected physically with him... but foremost in my mind, I want him to be blessed by Allah... al-fatihah...

When I reached my relative's house, most of my family was there... We had tahlil for Ayang... It's nearly a 100 days since he left us... When they hugged me, the tears came freely... We didn't need to say anything, we just shared the grief... I've finally come home... where I belong... among these simple folk who shared my grief, without words...without explanations...

4 comments:

fara said...

kak maz... camne nak kontek akak?
saya punya skype problem takleh nak add akak dah.... nape tah...sejak service komputer hari tu.....
akak kasi la kontek nombor ramai yg nak kontek akak ni.... nombol lama tu tak bleh guna dah katanya....
apa2 akak email saya kat email ofis atau kat shadylla_risya@yahoo.com.my or sms kat hp saya 012-2818443... thanks

RozIlah Kamarudin ImOlie said...

ina,

alfatihah

Kak olie pun terasa gak tak ada adik.. sbb selalunye kalau my husband takde dialah banyak jadi peneman dan penyebok...

kat KL contact kak olie ye..

Abdul Rahman said...

ina

kami sentiasa teringat kat ayang dan terbayag bila disebot nama nyer yg tak banyak bercakap dan bergitu sigkat masa bergitu cepat sekali waktu berlalu

hi bila nak jumpa ye aku pon tak sempat nak jumpa u all any way pls call bila dah ok

Rohani said...

innalillahhiwainnailaihirojiuuun...mati itu sememangnya pasti..apabila manusia lahir ke dunia..tandanya telah hampir kepada mati..tapi kalau kematian itu tidak memberi peringatan untuk banyak mencari ilmu mengenal Allah,pencipta kita..amatlah rugi.Itulah kita ye..mencari harta sanggup ke puncak bulan..tapi surau ditepi rumah terasa berat untuk pergi..semoga rohnya tergolong org2 yg soleh. amin.